Zach just sent me this link - people whining about the Mr. Softee jingle being played all the livelong day around New York. If you are calling to complain because of an ice cream truck, I . . . don't know what to say to you.

To me, hearing that song means knowing summer is imminent and that you can get crunchies or sprinkles whenever you want (read: whenever you can find a truck hiding on a street corner or chase one down). Delish.

Back home, our ice cream truck played The Entertainer and every single kid on the street was, like,
 
and if your mom was cool and already had $3 on the top of the fridge for just such occasions like my mom did (for three kids - our ice cream wasn't that expensive), you would run out your front door, screaming, "I'M COMING! STOP THE TRUCK! HOLD ON! I HAVE A DOLLAR!" and you would get your ice cream delight with bubblegum eyes.

Some people did not have such cool moms. This is probably why they feel animosity toward an ice cream truck.

I read a lot, but the first one that came to mind was THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH! I reread it last year and it was fantastic. If I find a husband willing to humor my literary whims, my firstborn will be named Milo.

Ooooootherwise, I read...

• all of the Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle stories
• The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle
• "MOM! CAN I LIVE ON A BOAT?"
• "Yes. Don't get scurvy."
• all of the Wayside School books
• anything by Roald Dahl
• all of the Shel Silverstein poems
• Anne of Green Gables
• Eugenia and I bonded over our love for the series
• all of the Babysitter's Club stories
• one time I wrote to Ann M. Martin and she wrote back to me saying she liked my name
• AND she used my name in Karen's Pizza Party
• I felt like a celebrity
• and I read this later, but Three Cheers for Tacky is an effing great book.

AGH I LOVE READING

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So my family in Ohio is getting a German exchange student starting right about . . . now. I hope she realizes that our family a little bit more off-the-wall than a normal American family - we make up our own languages, dress up our dog (occasionally) and have impromptu parades around the house with my trumpet and my little brother's saxophone.

I think she's only going to be here about a month, so that's not enough time to really get to know the country assuming you are going to school every day and living in suburban Ohio . . . unless you have a list of things to accomplish and systematically cross things off said list!

So, to have a full American experience, I think we need to take the GES (wow, I need to learn her name) to do the following things:
-run around a Wal-Mart, preferably a 24-hour one
-loiter at Steak and Shake
-attend a football game
-wear an I <3 NY shirt
-attend a state fair and eat something fried that should not be fried (maybe batteries? idk)
-play a massive game of Capture The Flag with neighborhood kids
...and I don't know what else.

What would you do if you were only in the country for a month?

I am a big fan of letting other people use your loyalty cards at the grocery store. Too many people don't remember to bring the cards with them, and letting them use yours lets them panic a little less and save money, too . . . oh yeah, and it speeds up the line, too.

INSTA-KARMAPOINTAGE! KA-ZAP

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Also, I just got back from a weekend trip to Colorado. I would like to move some mountains to midtown Manhattan posthaste kthx

Dear Natalia,

xkjcfoj sdjfosijk ifjsdoji fvksjoiaj dfsdlkjfsd;lkfjdga gjwseoisfdjoviasjfgkdaf jgxcm,vskajaoierusd. SJekfkd? Ksdfjd.

Best,
So-And-So

"Best" is the worst way ever to end an email. It's like a verbal punch in the larynx. "Cordially" comes in a distant second, as it only makes me think of ice cream (more specifically, this kind) and "take care," the third worst, just makes me think I need to look out for oncoming traffic or something.

I vastly prefer "sincerely," "kthxbye," "your pal" or "thanks!" if I am feeling particularly bitchy. This site has a bunch of semi-useful but more hilarious closing remarks, and this one takes a more sarcastic approach. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

What's your email signoff of choice? Which one would you hate to get?
Also, what does "best" mean, anyway?

This morning, while doing the crossword, there were two clues where I had mini-flashbacks to how I learned that particular piece of trivia, if that makes any sense, which I'm not sure it does.

39 Down is "Poet Nash", which was clearly Ogden. My elementary school music teacher insisted that our class learn his poem "Winter Morning," and I can remember being a fourth grader, sitting on the stage facing our cafeteria and reciting the poem before we played a rousing rendition of Jingle Bells on the recorder for our parents. I feel for the ears of any music teacher whenever there are recorders involved.

49 Across was "__ Cannonball," which I knew was Wabash because of an episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle - Snidely Whiplash and his fellow fur smugglers, disguised as musicians, try to escape from Canada with stolen loot. The tuba player is on the 33rd chorus of Wabash Cannonball when furs are expelled from his giant instrument. Whoops.

Do you ever have those moments where you know exactly how you learned a certain thing or idea?

edit: i have not seen slumdog yet. apparently this has something to do with this post. IDK!!!!!!!!!11

So I tried out for Top Model a little under a year ago. It was an aggravating but ultimately entertaining experience, and I told myself that I would try out again the next year because I'm close to the age limit and might as well use my 23-year-oldness while I still have it.

This year, they're only taking girls under 5'7" (with the possibility of "case-by-case exceptions" chosen by the producers). 'SCUSE ME?

When I tried out, the rules clearly stated that they would only be considering girls over 5'9". I saw metric tons of short chicks who were trying out just to see if they could get in and fudge the rules . . . argh.

Maybe I'll show up anyway. Hmm.

I edit beaucoup d'entries every day...here are five issues that come up all the time.

1. since vs. because: since is temporal/refers to a starting point.

Since starting my job, I've deleted 30,403 accounts.

If it's cause and effect, use "because" instead.

Since Because I'm too lazy to go myself, I'll bribe someone to buy coffee.

It should be noted that I interchanged "since" and "because" for many moons, but  my editor in college headbutted me until I understood. Kidding. Vaguely.

2. "should/could/would of"

Should have. End of story. I had a friend who write "I should of done xyz" and "I was sapost to". Facepalm.

3. Mixed modifiers

Mike is a guy with a pet turtle who works at Barnes and Noble.

Mike, is a guy with a pet turtle, who works at Barnes and Noble.

4. "I proceeded to do xyz"

You sound like you are testifying on Judge Judy when you say you proceeded to do anything. You went on to do this. Better yet, you did this.

I think sometimes people stick "proceeded to" in sentences to denote steps in a process or to make it sound more arduous than whatever the situation actually required.

"Proceeded to" can actually work if it doesn't precede a verb. Example:

With my climbing prowess and sheer determination, I proceeded to the next stage of Ninja Warrior.
not
I proceeded to punch Marjorie in the throat.

5. "me and my boyfriend went xyz"

PROTIP: take out the rest of the phrase and see if it still makes sense.

wrong: She invited my boyfriend and I to the circus.
right: She invited me and my boyfriend to the circus.

okay, I think that's it. ty4yt

Grammatically speaking, what messes you up when you're writing? I still get lay and lie confused.

A little over a year ago, I started sending nonsensical emails to people while I was half-asleep and would not remember sending them. I found this article while surfing today and was a little relieved to hear that I'm not the only one who has sleep-emailed before.

“We believe writing an email after turning the computer on, connecting to the Internet and remembering the password displayed by our patient is novel. To our knowledge this type of complex behaviour requiring coordinated movements has not been reported before in sleepwalking. She was shocked when she saw these emails, as she did not recall writing them. She did not have any history of night terr­ors or sleepwalking as a child.”

Although it's more meant for people who email under the influence, Mail Goggles on my Gmail is pretty useful for people who would otherwise be inclined to send messages like this one I sent to Matt:

anyway, re: your chats, Y OU CAN NOT! i don't know how i didn't get that message before!; it showed up in my gmail 8 hours later - comme c'est charmant.

anyway, 50 fun points for not using "since" - i saw hesitation! i saw it so much. and 303894923 fun points for cheap discounts!!!!!!!!! i want one.

also, suck it, buckeyes. this is topical. they were apparently playing horribly tonight and lost by a pretty significant amount. [whatever the opposite of "clear" is] eyes, sweater vests, can lose. i am such a card.

So apparently I can speak French, cite catchphrases from Survivor Sucks, misquote Friday Night Lights and make parenthetical references to Jim Tressel in my sleep.

I think this means I spend too much time on the internet. Evench I won't even sleep - I'll just email all night.