-hoist with one's own petard
-hornswoggled
-in cahoots
-hoi polloi

Try using them and report back, kthx

(p.s. i am reading vonnegut for the first time...i want to marry him despite his current living status! so it goes)

I babysit two girls on Tuesday afternoons. Yesterday, I was dragging all afternoon and the girls' mom called me to say that I'd need to pick 10-Year-Old up at school because her bus was late from a class trip, 8-Year-Old was at a friend's house and I needed to pick her up, fixings for dinner were in the fridge and I needed to pick up the co-op vegetables from the doorman downstairs.

I decided it would be a good idea to get coffee beforehand and thought a red eye would be the best preventative solution.

The barista wasn't paying attention when he made the shot and made two instead of one.

"Do you just want both of them?" he asked. "I made too many and I'll just throw it out if you don't want it." I am not one to waste espresso.

So I drank my two shots of espresso and my tall coffee in about ten minutes and this was the result:

Who wants dinner? Let's get in the cab. I have to get the turnips. Did you do your homework yet? Can you practice violin? Do you know how to play Hey Ya on the guitar? Do you want me to teach you? etc. etc. etc.

(8-Year-Old: "What's wrong with you? Have you been drinking?")

Shockingly enough, I am the only Xanga Teamer who has already bought her High School Musical 3 tickets for next Friday.

(p.s. look at those ticket prices - $12.50 to see Zac Efron? Hmph.)

Apparently nobody on the entire site is going to see this movie. Don't even worry; I will represent all of you with dignity, class and moxie.

clear out space for a stage and begin my first tour as natalia: karaoke mall star extraordinare!

/popstar envy

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

I was looking at some Datingish stats and saw that someone found the site by typing in "how to get over a cheat".

Just jump over it! Or step over it, even. What's the problem? I mean, they're not very big.

Consumer Reports came out with findings on cereal earlier this week and parents are panicking. Wait, you mean to tell me that kids' cereals have a little bit of three metric tons of sugar per bowl? Say it ain't so.

(I used to put sugar on top of Frosted Flakes. This explains my 84 visits to the dentist and my insatiable need for more.sugar.all.the.time.kthxbai)

That being said, though, a Today Show contributor suggested mixing "bad" cereals with "good" ones and demonstrated how to make a healthier bowl of Fruit Loops by mixing Cheerios in with a bowl of Toucan Sam's fruity delights. I DON'T THINK SO.

It may have been my lack of coffee or the fact that I have a very close relationship with cereal, but I actually said, "STOP STOP STOP" while he was pouring the two together.

Do not mess with sugary cereal.

Is there any cereal mixage you can tolerate? What is it?

Flip-flop weather is officially over - I am devastated. These may be the solution. These are from Payless and were massively comfortable and reasonably priced.

next up: flannel. it's happening.

I think Steve may have finally found his sugarlumpkins and told her that my number belongs to her now, too.

I got a voicemail yesterday afternoon from a Columbus health facility intended for "Megan" (even though my message says, "Hey, this is Natalia's phone; leave a message; kbye"). According to the message, the results are in and Megan needs to come pick up her magnesium and Lyrica, presumably for fibromyalgia.

Is this a blatant violation of HIPAA?
Should I call the number and tell them they have the wrong number and that they've disclosed someone else's medical information to someone who is clearly not the patient?

I like to sit in the very last car on the PATH train. I know the exact spot on the tracks where it'll stop and I like watching people around me scramble to get rightinfrontofthedoor while I just stand there. Owned, guys.

With the exception of weekends, it's also usually quiet on the PATH - on the way home, people are usually so worn out that it's almost completely silent. I dig.

Anyway, the problem with sitting in the very last car is that there is a guy who comes onto the train every day starting at about 5:30 asking for money. He forces the door open for longer than it should be, yelling, "THIS IS THE HOBOKEN TRAIN! HURRY UP! COME ON! HURRY UP! HOBOKEN HERE!" and then walks around the train shaking a McDonald's bag while people zone out and pretend not to notice him. His speech never changes - I watched a guy mouth it along with him after he walked by last week. He's become a sort of tepidly lovable staple on the train.

Yesterday he had some competition.

A woman carrying a large Duane Reade bag boarded the train and started verbally accosting passengers who were in her way. "YOU DON'T TOUCH ME!" she said to a man who did not touch her. She pulled out a book and started proselytizing loudly.

One rider in particular was so annoyed with the loud interruptions that she began yelling over the two...

"I'm here with the Bergen-Lafayette Homeless Shelter..."
"You must acknowledge all things you do in the name of Jesus Christ..."
"SO ANYWAY, MY WINE TASTING..."

I wonder who'll show up tonight on the train. Maybe we can get a fun game of train-wide Mad Libs going.

My pilot light is out in my apartment. I am inclined to believe this is thanks to my roommate's shoving an oversized fan and vacuum into our utility closet (what a lovely storage place, no?) and upsetting the natural forces of our water heater.

You always call your dad first in situations like this. "You could do it," he said when I asked how one goes about lighting the dead light.
"I think I'd burn the apartment down," I replied.
"It's certainly a possibility, but cold showers are no fun and it may be worth burning the place down."

I called our maintenance guy at about 4 and he said he'd be in this afternoon - "who's gonna be there?" he asked. "I will," I replied, willing to stay vigilant for the sake of hot water.

He has yet to come. Now it is 10:51, I have Googled "how to light a pilot light" several times and bought the wrong kind of matches - apparently I need the extra long ones to do it myself - while sitting in our utility closet with my laptop as Lappy and I try to figure out how I can take normal showers again.

YIKES.