I read a lot, but the first one that came to mind was THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH! I reread it last year and it was fantastic. If I find a husband willing to humor my literary whims, my firstborn will be named Milo.

Ooooootherwise, I read…

• all of the Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle stories
• The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle
• “MOM! CAN I LIVE ON A BOAT?”
• “Yes. Don’t get scurvy.”
• all of the Wayside School books
• anything by Roald Dahl
• all of the Shel Silverstein poems
• Anne of Green Gables
• Eugenia and I bonded over our love for the series
• all of the Babysitter’s Club stories
• one time I wrote to Ann M. Martin and she wrote back to me saying she liked my name
• AND she used my name in Karen’s Pizza Party
• I felt like a celebrity
• and I read this later, but Three Cheers for Tacky is an effing great book.

AGH I LOVE READING

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So my family in Ohio is getting a German exchange student starting right about . . . now. I hope she realizes that our family a little bit more off-the-wall than a normal American family – we make up our own languages, dress up our dog (occasionally) and have impromptu parades around the house with my trumpet and my little brother’s saxophone.

I think she’s only going to be here about a month, so that’s not enough time to really get to know the country assuming you are going to school every day and living in suburban Ohio . . . unless you have a list of things to accomplish and systematically cross things off said list!

So, to have a full American experience, I think we need to take the GES (wow, I need to learn her name) to do the following things:
-run around a Wal-Mart, preferably a 24-hour one
-loiter at Steak and Shake
-attend a football game
-wear an I <3 NY shirt
-attend a state fair and eat something fried that should not be fried (maybe batteries? idk)
-play a massive game of Capture The Flag with neighborhood kids
…and I don’t know what else.

What would you do if you were only in the country for a month?

I am a big fan of letting other people use your loyalty cards at the grocery store. Too many people don’t remember to bring the cards with them, and letting them use yours lets them panic a little less and save money, too . . . oh yeah, and it speeds up the line, too.

INSTA-KARMAPOINTAGE! KA-ZAP

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Also, I just got back from a weekend trip to Colorado. I would like to move some mountains to midtown Manhattan posthaste kthx

Dear Natalia,

xkjcfoj sdjfosijk ifjsdoji fvksjoiaj dfsdlkjfsd;lkfjdga gjwseoisfdjoviasjfgkdaf jgxcm,vskajaoierusd. SJekfkd? Ksdfjd.

Best,
So-And-So

“Best” is the worst way ever to end an email. It’s like a verbal punch in the larynx. “Cordially” comes in a distant second, as it only makes me think of ice cream (more specifically, this kind) and “take care,” the third worst, just makes me think I need to look out for oncoming traffic or something.

I vastly prefer “sincerely,” “kthxbye,” “your pal” or “thanks!” if I am feeling particularly bitchy. This site has a bunch of semi-useful but more hilarious closing remarks, and this one takes a more sarcastic approach. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

What’s your email signoff of choice? Which one would you hate to get?
Also, what does “best” mean, anyway?

This morning, while doing the crossword, there were two clues where I had mini-flashbacks to how I learned that particular piece of trivia, if that makes any sense, which I’m not sure it does.

39 Down is “Poet Nash”, which was clearly Ogden. My elementary school music teacher insisted that our class learn his poem “Winter Morning,” and I can remember being a fourth grader, sitting on the stage facing our cafeteria and reciting the poem before we played a rousing rendition of Jingle Bells on the recorder for our parents. I feel for the ears of any music teacher whenever there are recorders involved.

49 Across was “__ Cannonball,” which I knew was Wabash because of an episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle – Snidely Whiplash and his fellow fur smugglers, disguised as musicians, try to escape from Canada with stolen loot. The tuba player is on the 33rd chorus of Wabash Cannonball when furs are expelled from his giant instrument. Whoops.

Do you ever have those moments where you know exactly how you learned a certain thing or idea?

edit: i have not seen slumdog yet. apparently this has something to do with this post. IDK!!!!!!!!!11

So I tried out for Top Model a little under a year ago. It was an aggravating but ultimately entertaining experience, and I told myself that I would try out again the next year because I’m close to the age limit and might as well use my 23-year-oldness while I still have it.

This year, they’re only taking girls under 5’7″ (with the possibility of “case-by-case exceptions” chosen by the producers). ‘SCUSE ME?

When I tried out, the rules clearly stated that they would only be considering girls over 5’9″. I saw metric tons of short chicks who were trying out just to see if they could get in and fudge the rules . . . argh.

Maybe I’ll show up anyway. Hmm.