Month: April 2008

  • Please drop your key and leave.

    HEY GIRL!!!1

    Were you to be a contestant on A Shot At Love 2 (god love you), you would be vying for the attention of someone who is

    • one inch away from being considered a legal dwarf (see lpaonline.org)
    • an ex-gang member
    • well known because she spent a lot of time on the internet and spammed people (“so I mass e-mailed between 30,000 and 50,000 people and told them to come over.”)

    That’s hot.

    Moral of the story? Don’t discount tiny, internet-addicted spammers – they could be the bisexual bachelorettes of your dreams [vomits].

  • What was your worst-ever “fashion crime”? Are you willing to share a photo?

    yeah, I’ll bite on this one – this is from 2005.

    I officially grew my bangs out in fifth grade, but I usually get so bored with having hair that’s all the same length that I take matters into my own hands. In this case, it was summer and I wanted to try cutting my own bangs so they’d be longer on the sides and would grow out naturally once they were long enough.

    Instead, I cut myself a mullet.

    Awesome.

       

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  • xangans say don’t gimme, gimme more

    I do believe that today is the first Britneyless day on Hot Topics.
    [waits for her to show up again]

  • What charities or non profit organizations do you support?

    True story: once upon a time (2006) I interned at this awesome nonprofit called Do Something and got to write for their magazine, go to concerts and do all sorts of fun stuff, for lack of a more coherent catchall term.

    On my second-to-last day, I wrote a PSA script for Cheyenne (remember her? no? she had an MTV show) to film so it could air on ChannelOne. She had scheduling conflicts and couldn’t tape it, so her replacement was this new group of three brothers who played in a band on the Disney Channel.

    Maybe it’s better that she backed out . . .

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  • would you like fries with that?

    Sooooo it looks like some dining establishments here in the city will have to post caloric information along with pricing. I saw this delightful ordinance in effect at Starbucks this morning, when I glanced at an apple fritter but was deterred by the 490 calorie “cost”.

    I prefer the old McD’s way of showing calories – having a giant poster behind the counter where you have to bring binoculars to find out how many grams of fat are in an Egg McMuffin. Having the calories directly in front of me makes them harder to ignore and will make me think harder about whether or not I really want to eat certain things.

    While I understand that this is a measure against obesity, I also have a feeling that this will push normally healthyish eating people (read: me) over the edge and turn them into neurotic calorie counters, and it probably won’t help the already-in-need-of-help ana girls, either.

    Here are my questions for you guys:
    1) Do you have “calories don’t count” foods? What are they? (me: cupcakes/cake in general, Frosty Floats, fries)
    2) Does it bother you to have caloric information next to food on menus? Why/why not?
    3) Do you think having this information readily available will encourage people to eat better?

    *~stay strong y’all~*

    edit: this is fascinating discussion – keep it up!

  • When little movies happen to too many people

    You all know I love Juno. I can look beyond the “let’s see if I can include the following obscure but hilarious terms” list Diablo Cody seemed to have made when she wrote the script. I can ignore the now almost cliché soundtrack and the fact that now kids have a vague idea of who The Carpenters are because Sonic Youth covered it on the soundtrack. I can even stomach the insipid orange and white striped cover art that has become synonymous with this *~strong willed and sassy teen~*.

    But I can understand the haters, too . . . and I blame overexposure. The marketing for these three films has been like a game of Whack-A-Mole – “this is CHARMING! ENDEARING! HILARIOUS!” – and we’re not exactly the ones holding the mallet.

    Let’s go back to 2004, shall we? A movie featuring a skinny kid with a fro, his chat-addicted brother and his supposed girlfriend, a llama named Tina and a not-even-geeky-kind-of-cool synth soundtrack littered with nonsensical soundbites brought in $44,000,000 in a six-month run in theaters – not bad for a film with a $400k budget.

    What started as an independent film picked up by Fox Searchlight turned into merchandise, overuse of the word “gosh” and a stale mispronunciation of “quesadilla” by everyone who either had seen the movie or had sat around the water cooler for long enough to pick up on it. Now, at any novelty store, you can buy a Napoleon action figure, keychain, Vote For Pedro shirt and enough licensed merch to make Jon Heder blush.

    ND worked because of clumsy filmmaking, the shots that lingered a little longer than they should’ve to create an uncomfortable, dorky environment for these characters to live and occasionally thrive in. It looked like a student film but could stand up to the bigger movies that thought less about ambience and more about driving the point of the movie home.

    2006′s Little Miss Sunshine, a dark comedy with a sunshiney ending, featured a truly dysfunctional household but was marketed as “a funny look at families just like yours!” Dwayne, the occasionally mute Paul Dano’s character, spoke the quaint “Do what you love; fuck everything else,” a phrase that went from a gasping, desperate revelation to being relegated to AIM profiles.

    Abigail Breslin’s Academy Award nomination only made the hype worse; it was almost a relief when she didn’t win and bring even more pressure to a movie that ultimately was not meant to be shown on such a huge scale.

    So now we have Juno, a movie that brought the phrases “Mott The Hoople” and “honest to blog” into the vocabulary of every person under the age of 20 who can download media. The movie itself started out small enough (buzz online as they filmed was that Arrested Development alums  Jason Bateman and Michael Cera were together again, not about the actual plot) and spread because of word of mouth and a silly, loquacious trailer and subsequent ad campaign.

    As was the case with Little Miss Sunshine, the movie was ambitious without seeming capable of withstanding so much press and hype; were it to be the smaller, less universally accessible movie I wish it would’ve been, nobody would be whistling Anyone Else But You or searching for hamburger phones online.

    And, call me a scenester, but I liked it better when nobody knew about these movies. I saw all three in the theaters at least twice, and although the first screenings were always more exciting because they were new! shiny! anticipated, the second usually proved to be more sociologically interesting – in the case of Napoleon, I saw dorks laughing with Napoleon the first time and the “cool kids” laughing at him the second time. The third screening, two weeks later, left me surrounded with parents wanted to be in on the joke.

    But there are still Fox Searchlight movies not everyone has seen, and I’m thrilled because of it. I can’t find a pen that plays Once’s “Falling Slowly” when I click it (thank goodness), I doubt it’s easy to find a History Boys official school uniform and people have said “gesundheit” when I talk about L’Auberge Espagnole . . . and it’s comforting to know that something that would inevitably end up finishing out a dollar theater run at a paltry per-theater amount will never reach such a large audience.

    If you’re not completely bonkers about Juno/ND/LMS, I get it – but before you trash them, remember that not everything is meant for mass consumption and that hits can happen unexpectedly.

  • Things you didn’t see during Office Hours today

    The feed kept cutting out today, so you missed fun including…

    -a cartwheel on the roof of our building
    -making Xanga paper airplanes with Eugy and throwing them off the roof (on the first throw, both of ours came back to us boomerang style; second throw, mine hit a Dunkin’ Donuts customer in the head – sorry!)
    -cool shots of the NY skyline – this one is from my camera phone, so sorry for the glare from the sun – it was bright today
    -Jon speaking Chinese for, like, a minute straight

    Thursday may also be a roof day, because Tuesday mornings are notoriously cursed and mean not being able to broadcast without some sort of digital catastrophe.

    Where else would you want us to do a show? Anywhere in midtown Manhattan is good . . . but probably not Times Square unless it’s on the Toys ‘R’ Us Ferris wheel.

    Coming as soon as I go to Circuit City and buy Juno: a post about how Fox Searchlight movies’ hype goes too far.

    edit: and you know what? i love the a*teens. there, i said it. i feel so much better now that you guys know that i honestly love swedish pop.

    happy Tuesday!

  • Quickies

    1) I saw a guy get hit by a taxi yesterday. I babysit for a family on the Upper West Side, and I was walking to their place and talking to my mom on the phone when I watched a taxi go through an intersection, heard screeching and a WHAM, and watched as a bike rider went flying through the air and hit the ground hard. I was only about halfway across the block from the whole thing, but a guy in front of me ran to the scene and started smacking the driver’s side window. “YOU WAIT FOR THEM!” he yelled, hitting the window with the palm of his hand. “YOU WAIT!”

    The taxi’s windshield had a head-sized crack in it; the biker was pretty torn up and had a nasty cut on the back of his head, but he seemed to be okay. By the time I got there, three people were on the phone with 911 dispatchers, one person was off to get towels to clean the guy up and people were pulling bottles of water out of their bags and helping get the victim to the curb to sit down.

    Seeing ten people stop what they’re doing and run to help a person in need . . . it’s pretty humbling.

    I am already more careful when I cross the street.

    2) I got my tax returns filed today . . . I’d tried to do them myself on TurboTax, but I had to file in Ohio, New York and New Jersey for four different jobs in all. That’s hot. Anyway, when I got to H&R Block today for my appointment, the first thing my tax guy said was, “NOT GOOD THINGS!” This was not promising.

    All in all, he saved me $1000 from what I came up with when I put them together myself, and the whole thing only took an hour. A+ for him. Also, thanks to the state of Ohio for giving me $5 back. I plan to spend it in pennies to make it last as long as possible.

    3) I’ve been getting a ton of Facebook group invites to save Lake Erie from becoming the site of a giant tire incinerator. Here are my questions:

    • Do tire incinerator companies routinely check Facebook to see if anyone is opposed to the building of such  establishments?
    • Does anyone really want to go into Lake Erie?
      • Last time I swam in it, I was covered in mud, algae and I brought back a souvenir beer bottle from inside the lake as a prize.
      • The reason you don’t see wildlife around the lake is because it’s infested with chemicals already
    • Where do you think tires go when they’re blown out – tire heaven?

    1645 people seem to think that the answer is “yes” to all of the above.

    4) My mom watched Larry King on Monday night and drew the conclusion that this would be American Idol’s last season based on a teaser . . . so she told me, I almost cried and was mopey the rest of the night. Upon reading the transcript of the episode online, that was a giant joke and I can have my fill of “after the break” for at least another two years. And it is good.

    5) Excited to see who shows up for the Xanga Meetup! I have my camera with me . . . so if you’re a time zone or two away, you can still see what goes on when Xangans collide. And by collide, I mean eat dinner.

  • Who would be the best actor/actress to play you in a movie about your life?

    we started talking about this online last night, actually . . .

    Andy thinks that Ryan Gosling should play Matt, which I can understand.

       

    I think Andy should be played by Adrien Brody

    and I’d either want to be played by Kelly Reilly (from L’Auberge Espagnole)

    or by Diane Keaton circa Annie Hall

    ( . . . you guys have seen me make that face during Office Hours more than once, I’m sure)

    as a reference, here we are last June at graduation, so you can judge fo’ yo’self:

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  • the curse of picking the wrong Idol

    I lost my favorite on Idol last night. Ramiele (who I still think is more talented than she lets on) was eliminated last night and now I don’t really have a contestant to cheer for anymore.

    As she started her singout, my mom called me to apologize for my loss of the “little oriental girl” (“MOM! she’s Filipino.”/”You know I can’t keep up with all these people.”) and I apparently sounded a little more upset than I actually was.

    “You sound tired, so I’ll call you tomorrow,” she said. “Watch her on YouTube.”

    When I got to work today, my email inbox had another “sorry for your loss” email from my mom and a similar note from a babysitting client. People understand how important this dumb show is to me, and it’s endearing as hell.

    I’m not really sure what to do now. Seasons 1 and 2, I picked either the winner or the runner-up as my favorite, so the whole season was suspenseful and fun – you were right there with your favorites as they crossed the proverbial finish line. Season 3, I rooted for John Stevens, and when he finished in sixth place, I lost interest in the rest of the season. 4 and 5 were relatively boring, and the reason I watched season 6 was Sanjaya and my beatboxin’ homeboy Blake (with inevitable sexual tension with resident hottie Chris Richardson). This season, I don’t really care for anyone left and could care less who wins.

    Poor Matt lost his favorite, Alexandréa, even earlier than I did, and we Gchatted the next day about it . . .

    Matt: question:

     me: brown bears
     Matt:
    Is a common symptom of Idol post-departure fave-contestant separation
    anxiety listening to your fave perf of that person over and over again?
    me: of course
      and hyper-overanalyzing everything in mourning
      there are grief stages, believe you me
     Matt: Alexandrea is so sweet and genuine and earnest after she finishes singing that it just breaks my coeur
     me: you crack me up

    So it’s off to YouTube I go, and don’t be surprised if the last.fm module on my page shows Ramiele as my most frequently played artist. It’s all part of the grieving process.